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Learning the consequences
Nise's Notes
by Denise Schoppe
The Marlin Democrat
June 08, 2005
Sunday morning, I got up, put on some of my best clothes and went to church. Church is important to me, and it's something that is deeply ingrained in who I am today. I've explained it before as a period of time when I can shut everything else out and really center myself.
However, this time there was what I would guess was about a 7 or 8 year old "sitting" two pews in front of me. I use to phrase "sitting" a little loosely here, as throughout the mass he alternated between laying sprawled out in the pew, standing, kneeling over the seat to play with his toy car, and crawling all over his mother as if she were a jungle gym.
I found myself slowly growing more and more annoyed. My attention was drawn from the sermon to the little boy as he threw his car against the back of the seat and kicked his feet in the air.
If I'd ever acted that way, I'd have been marched outside and within moments had a quick attitude adjustment. Especially by that age, I'd long learned that church was a solemn place. You sat up straight, eyes forward. Talking and making too much noise was highly frowned upon, and if you misbehaved...
Well, let's just say you didn't want to taken outside for any length of time.
Somewhere along the way, that level of discipline has gone out the window. Parents are afraid to scold their children, lest they be accused of abuse and their children be taken from them. However, that fear has given children free reign with no concept of the consequences of their actions.
I remember growing up that all that was needed in schools was a paddle hanging on the wall for there to be a high level of discipline in class. Rarely did that long piece of wood come down off its perch. Simply its presence and knowledge that it would be used, if necessary, kept everyone on the straight and narrow.
At home, a single pop on the rear meant Mom and Dad meant business, and from that I learned what was right, what was wrong, and I never forgot it. My brother and I knew that there were rules that had to be followed or there would be consequences. We knew respect for adults, respect for the way things ran, and respect for the fact that there were certain things you did or did not do.
Talking with others my age I have discovered a level of respect and knowledge of the consequences of actions that does not seem to be as abundant in children these days. There is something to be said about old-fashioned ways of dealing with someone stepping out of line. A paddle was a lot quicker and a lot more effective than "time out." A stern word or two went farther than pleading with a child to stop whatever they are doing.
I don't condone abuse by any means, but I also don't agree with the new more passive way of dealing with children acting out. As Barney Fife always said, you've got to "nip it in the bud." And on Sunday, that's what I wanted that mother to do with her child. Make him sit up and face forward. He didn't have to participate in the mass, but he needed to stop being a distraction to everyone around him. He needed to learn to respect others and know that his actions were effecting everyone around him.
Instead, he was allowed to continue what he was doing, with only a handful of "shhh"s from his mother, who followed it with a hug and a pat on the head.
That's the way today, it seems. We don't enforce the rules we have set, and we follow any discipline with something of an apology. That doesn't work, and something is going to have to change.
Nise's Notes
by Denise Schoppe
The Marlin Democrat
June 08, 2005
Sunday morning, I got up, put on some of my best clothes and went to church. Church is important to me, and it's something that is deeply ingrained in who I am today. I've explained it before as a period of time when I can shut everything else out and really center myself.
However, this time there was what I would guess was about a 7 or 8 year old "sitting" two pews in front of me. I use to phrase "sitting" a little loosely here, as throughout the mass he alternated between laying sprawled out in the pew, standing, kneeling over the seat to play with his toy car, and crawling all over his mother as if she were a jungle gym.
I found myself slowly growing more and more annoyed. My attention was drawn from the sermon to the little boy as he threw his car against the back of the seat and kicked his feet in the air.
If I'd ever acted that way, I'd have been marched outside and within moments had a quick attitude adjustment. Especially by that age, I'd long learned that church was a solemn place. You sat up straight, eyes forward. Talking and making too much noise was highly frowned upon, and if you misbehaved...
Well, let's just say you didn't want to taken outside for any length of time.
Somewhere along the way, that level of discipline has gone out the window. Parents are afraid to scold their children, lest they be accused of abuse and their children be taken from them. However, that fear has given children free reign with no concept of the consequences of their actions.
I remember growing up that all that was needed in schools was a paddle hanging on the wall for there to be a high level of discipline in class. Rarely did that long piece of wood come down off its perch. Simply its presence and knowledge that it would be used, if necessary, kept everyone on the straight and narrow.
At home, a single pop on the rear meant Mom and Dad meant business, and from that I learned what was right, what was wrong, and I never forgot it. My brother and I knew that there were rules that had to be followed or there would be consequences. We knew respect for adults, respect for the way things ran, and respect for the fact that there were certain things you did or did not do.
Talking with others my age I have discovered a level of respect and knowledge of the consequences of actions that does not seem to be as abundant in children these days. There is something to be said about old-fashioned ways of dealing with someone stepping out of line. A paddle was a lot quicker and a lot more effective than "time out." A stern word or two went farther than pleading with a child to stop whatever they are doing.
I don't condone abuse by any means, but I also don't agree with the new more passive way of dealing with children acting out. As Barney Fife always said, you've got to "nip it in the bud." And on Sunday, that's what I wanted that mother to do with her child. Make him sit up and face forward. He didn't have to participate in the mass, but he needed to stop being a distraction to everyone around him. He needed to learn to respect others and know that his actions were effecting everyone around him.
Instead, he was allowed to continue what he was doing, with only a handful of "shhh"s from his mother, who followed it with a hug and a pat on the head.
That's the way today, it seems. We don't enforce the rules we have set, and we follow any discipline with something of an apology. That doesn't work, and something is going to have to change.
